Tuesday, October 31, 2017

CHARACTER INTERVIEW WITH ERIN JOHNSON'S IMOGENE BANKS



 ABOUT THE BOOK

 Imogen’s spent her twenties in Seattle, saving every penny and missing every party, to follow her dream of opening her own bakery.

When that dream goes up in flames, she accepts a spot in a mysterious baking contest—one she doesn’t remember entering. She travels to a bustling, medieval village off the coast of France and discovers an enchanting world of magic and mystery, and learns that she, too, possesses powers.

Unable to so much as cast a spell, Imogen struggles to keep up with the other witches and wizards who have come from all over the magical world to the Water Kingdom's big competition. She juggles relationships with a sweet new friend, a snarky baking fire, and a brooding, handsome baker. As Imogen falls for this bewitching world, she fears she won’t master her magic in time to win the job of Royal Head Baker, and will be forced to return to the shambles of her non magical life.

It only gets worse, when a competitor drops dead in the middle of the big white baking tent, and Imogen’s the prime suspect. Now, she’ll not only have to survive the vampire and psychic judges, but also clear her name by finding the real murderer, before they strike again.

With a killer on the loose, a missing prince, and the Summer Solstice Festival fast approaching, Imogen will have to bake like her life depends on it- because it just might.





ABOUT IMOGEN BANKS

Imogen Banks grew up in the Midwest with her adopted parents and sister. She always had a sense she just didn’t quite belong, and moved to Seattle the first chance she got. There, she worked her nine to five, saving up to open her own bakery and running a baked goods booth at the farmer’s market on weekends. She’s got bright red hair, snappy wit, and more talent than she knows.


CHARACTER INTERVIEW WITH ERIN JOHNSON'S IMOGENE BANKS



Imogene, what do you like to do when Erin isn't writing about you?
I could bake all day long till I dropped. I also love making new friends and exploring my new city of Bijou Mer. I should be practicing my magic, but to be honest, that’s not going all that well.

If you could rewrite anything in your book, what would it be?
I’d rewrite it so that a certain handsome prince wasn’t engaged.

What are you most afraid of?
Before I came to Bijou Mer, I really didn’t have much of a life, and I’m not super close to my adopted family. So, I was afraid of not finding my place in the world–the city and the people who’d make me feel like I fit in. I’m so happy now though! I feel like I’ve found that in Bijou Mer and with my new friends…but I guess I’m a little afraid that I won’t be able to keep up with all these talented witches and wizards and will be sent back to the unmagical world.



What’s the best trait Erin has given you? 

I think my best trait is that I have a sense of humor—I’ve needed it to get through some of the stuff my author has thrown at me.
What’s the worst?
I think my worst is that after years of toiling away for a dream that went up in smoke, I’m a lot less patient, and more impulsive than I used to be. In some ways that’s good, I wouldn’t have taken the leap to start this adventure otherwise. But it can sometimes lead me to jump to false conclusions about people.

Go on, Erin won't mind–what's her worst habit?


She eats wayyy too many Wow brand cookies. I can’t really blame her though–they’re almost as good as the ones Maple makes.

How do you feel about your life right now? What, if anything, would you like to change?
I’m so excited to be baking–it’s what I love to do most! And I love Bijou Mer and all the new friends I’ve made. But, I wish learning magic came easier to me. And I wish I knew more about my birth parents–they must’ve been magical, yet I have no idea where they’re from or how I came to be raised in the unmagical world.

If your story were a movie, who would play you?
Emma Stone.

Tell us about the town where you live.

Bijou Mer is this beautiful, medieval town just off the coast of France. It spirals up the side of the mountain and at night the tide rises to turn it into an island. During the day, tourists wander the cobblestoned streets, but at night, the place really comes alive, and all the locals come out of the shadows.

What makes you stand out from any other characters in your genre?

I think and say what you at home are thinking, but what you don’t usually see in a book.

Will you encourage Erin to write a sequel?
Yep. She’s already sending me on more adventures.


EXCERPT FROM SEASHELLS, SPELLS & CARAMEL


Chapter 3—Rehearsal Dinner


“You’re late.”

I whirled to find Victoria standing in front of me. I smoothed my hands over my dress and stood straighter, blowing my bangs out of my eyes. “Victoria. Hi.”

Her blond locks cascaded over her shoulders in perfect curls, her shimmery golden cocktail dress matching her flute of champagne. She glanced at the table behind me.

“Dinner’s about to start and you’ve barely begun setting up.”

“Right. Well....” I considered explaining what my whirlwind of a day had been like. From rushing to the store to buy ingredients, edible flowers, and more cupcake carriers, to baking three different batches of batter till I got it right, to decorating a cake and eighty cupcakes, to transporting it all by myself across town. Once I’d arrived at the mansion, I’d made four separate trips up and down the slippery stone pathway that led from the street to the manicured garden out back. But one look at Victoria’s on-edge expression, and I held my tongue. I tried to change the subject, lighten the mood.
“This is . . . incredible, so beautiful.”


Her arched brow pulled higher. “You’re here as staff. The beauty is for the guests to enjoy. Get to work.”


I burned with annoyance. “Right, will try my best not to enjoy the beauty.”


I unpacked a carrier of cupcakes, setting an edible flower atop the cream cheese frosting of each one. The cake table sat at the back corner of the peaked white tent, a little removed from the guest tables, the string quartet, and the dance floor. Victoria edged closer, speaking out of the corner of her mouth. “My parents divorced when I was five, you’d think they could figure out how to be in the same five-hundred-foot radius of each other. But no, I have to play go-between.” She heaved a great sigh as she scanned the tent and lush garden beyond it. “Ugh, and Ben’s psychic grandfather isn’t even here yet.”

Without thinking, she picked up one of the little white-topped cupcakes and scooped a fingertip of the frosting into her mouth. I watched her reaction with trepidation, biting my lip. She closed her eyes and sighed. No longer speaking, she peeled away the crisp white wrapper and took a huge bite of the little cake, a soft moan escaping her lips. I opened my mouth to tell her a white frosting mustache lined her upper lip, but she tilted her head back, closed her eyes and let out a low groan. My cheeks grew hot, and I debated if I should interrupt my boss’s sensual encounter with my cupcakes to let her know that an old man with bushy white brows stood a few feet away, watching her. When he cleared his throat and Victoria startled, I pretended to be engrossed with arranging flowers on the cake. The old man took a few steps closer. He held out a hand, and when she offered hers, he held it to his lips instead of shaking it. My brows lifted. I didn’t know anyone actually did that.


“You must be Victoria.” His voice rumbled deep from inside his chest. He wore a deep blue velvet suit, and his eyes twinkled.


“And you are?” Her tone walked the fine line between civil and icy.


The old man chuckled. “Why, I’m Ben’s grandpa, Arthur.”


I sucked in a breath and sensed Victoria stiffen next to me. The psychic diplomat grandpa she cared so much about impressing?


“Of course!” Her voice went up an octave. “Silly of me, of course. So good to meetyou, I’ve heard so much about you.”


“I’m sure you have.”


The silence stretched on too long, and I glanced over my shoulder. Victoria’s blue eyes blinked rapidly, and she opened and closed her mouth several times while her fiancé’s grandpa watched, his head cocked to one side, a bemused grin twisting his lips.

Finally, Victoria spat out, “I’m sorry, when you walked up, I was just testing the baked goods. I wanted to make sure they were up to stand—”

The old man cut her off with a wave of his hand. “I like a person who can truly enjoy themselves now and then, you know?” He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling under his bushy brows. “I’ll leave you to your taste testing, but I’m glad to have met you and look forward to getting to know you more in the future.” He turned to go, but paused and eyed the cupcakes strewn about the table. He raised his eyes to mine. “May I?”

I smiled. “Of course, sir.” I’d only had time to place flowers on top of some of them. I searched one out and handed it to him.

He gave me a nod. I watched him wander off a few steps, peel back the wrapper, and take a bite. He then stopped and turned back to me, a question on his face. He cocked his head to the side, opened his mouth to say something, then glanced at Victoria and seemed to think better of it. He gave me another nod and wandered off toward the tables. What was that about? I watched him disappear into the crowd.

Victoria turned, her face blank with shock. “He said he wanted to get to know me better... in the future... as if... there will be a future, with me and Ben.”

I smiled. “I think you’re in.”

Her face softened, and her lips tugged into the first genuine smile I thought I’d ever seen her give. “I passed the test.” She giggled, a sound so startling from Victoria that my brows shot up under my bangs. It seemed to startle her too, because she covered her mouth, then giggled again. Even more shocking, she grabbed my hands in hers and held them tight. “Thank you, Imogen.”

I swallowed. “For what?”

“I don’t know exactly, but I think you’ve helped me out, quite a lot in fact.” She gave my hands another little squeeze, then turned and scanned the crowd. She gave a squeal, another foreign noise coming from my boss, and waved someone over, bouncing on her heels. She turned to me, smiling. “Here he comes.”

Okay, who are you, and what have you done with Victoria? A tall, handsome man in a tuxedo strode toward us, looking from Victoria to me to Victoria. She took his face in her hands, pulled him down closer, and gave him a kiss that had my cheeks burning. I suddenly found my shoes very interesting. After a few moments, my boss pulled away from the man I assumed (hoped) was her fiancé, and turned to me.


“Imogen, Ben. Ben, Imogen. She made the most delicious cupcakes.”


Ben eyed Victoria with a mix of doubt and wonder, his brows pulling together. “You
ate... a cupcake?”


Victoria nodded emphatically, threw an arm around me, and pulled all three of us into
a conspiratorial huddle. “Don’t tell my trainer.” She burst into giggles.
Ben asked, “Have you... uh, had some drinks?”


Victoria, mouth full with another dessert, shook her head, then said around her food,  “No, bug id sounds like a goo idea.” She took a hunk of cupcake and pushed it toward Ben, who looked at it cross-eyed, then opened his mouth and chewed. The more he chewed, the more glazed his eyes got. He took Victoria’s hands. “Dance with me.”

Had I accidentally spilled a bottle of rum in the batter? I glanced at my desserts strewn about the white-linen-covered table. They seemed innocent enough. I looked back at the frolicking couple and smiled. Probably just love. Halfway to the dance floor, Victoria pulled Ben to a stop, their kissing and giggling drawing stares and then indulgent smiles from the other guests. She pulled her fiancé back to me as he fished around inside his jacket.

“Didn’t want to forget,” she explained as Ben pulled out a checkbook and pen. He scribbled something, ripped out the check, and handed it to me.

“I added a little extra,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t know what you put in those cupcakes, but they’re pure magic—I’ve never seen Victoria like this.” He winked and off they went, literally skipping to the dance floor, where they somehow managed to shimmy to the string quartet music, pulling other friends and couples up to join them. I sighed. Once I opened my bakery, would it be enough? Victoria and Ben stared into each other’s eyes. Or would I still want someone to share everything with?

I flipped the check over and read $4,000. What? A little extra? My mouth fell open, and I pressed the check to my chest, letting out a high-pitched squeal that probably only dogs could have heard. Four thousand dollars! Thank you, baking gods. And now, finally, I really, truly had enough money to open my bakery. The realization nearly knocked me over.

After dinner and speeches, a waiter announced that dessert would be served. Time flew by as I sliced and served cake on little glass plates and said, again and again, “Yes, the flowers are edible,” and “No, I didn’t put in any liquid courage.” Apparently, Victoria wasn’t the only one whose spirits were lifted after eating a few bites. Soon, the entire party danced and swayed and laughed all over each other. People rushed up, smiling like naughty children, and dashed off with a cupcake in each hand. Champagne flowed, cocktail glasses clinked, and couples from their twenties to eighties snuck off into the shrubberies. What had gotten into everyone?

The string quartet, persuaded into playing the conga, churned out the familiar song as a middle-aged man sat next to them, an upended ice bucket between his knees, playing the “drum.” The line of guests snaked between tables. I peeled my eyes away from the conga line as a beautiful guest sauntered toward me.

She smiled, her teeth bright against her dark skin. Her hair, tightly curled and piled atop her head in an enormous bun, bounced as she swayed her hips to the music, her snow-white gown catching the candlelight from the tables.


“Cake or a cupcake?” I asked for the umpteenth time. I smiled and held up one of each.


She tapped a slender finger against her lips as her dark eyes darted from one to the other. The diamond bracelets she wore slid up toward her elbows as she threw her hands in the air. “Oh, ow about zem both, eh?”

I grinned and handed over the plates. I loved French accents. Not that I’d ever been to France, or anywhere really. Before I’d moved from St. Louis, I’d never even been out of state.

“Are you ze baker?”


I nodded.
“I’ve been earing all night about ze desserts.” She stepped closer and lowered her voice. She smelled like jasmine. “I eear they’re just bearsting weeth mageeck.” She winked, then held the cupcake up to her mouth, gingerly taking a bite around the wrapper. She moaned and bent her knees, sinking halfway to the ground. “Incredible. Just incredible. You should enter ze contest, you reeally should. And I don’t do false flattery, believe me.”

I raised a brow. “The contest?”

She looked me up and down. “You reeally don’t know? Ze Water Kingdom’s holding a contest for ze new royal baker. Last one died recently.” She looked around and leaned closer, her voice hushed. “Ze official word is she died of a ‘art attack, but if you ask me, eet was dark mageeck. Somezing underhanded, you know? Murder.” She leaned back and straightened. How much had this woman had to drink? “Zat shouldn’t scare you zough. I reeally zink you should enteer, zhere’s steel time. I probably ’ave a flyer somewhere.” She set the plates down and fished around in her sparkly white clutch. “Zey’ve been distributing zem all over ze kingdoms. Anyone can apply, anyone at all... well almost, no shifters, ze usual, but ze’ll take emigrants like you.” She poked around some more in the tiny clutch.

Pretty sure if you haven’t found it by now, it’s not going to suddenly appear. The bag looked like it could barely hold a credit card... maybe.

She looked at me and shrugged her slender shoulders. “Can’t find one.” She glanced around and then winked. “Don’t usually break ze rules when traveling on visa, you know. But I am here as ze date of ze retired ambassador, so if I geet in a beet of trouble, he’ll just geet me out.”

I scanned the conga line. Did she mean Ben’s grandpa?

A small sound, a zap, like snuffing a candle out with wet fingers, made me turn toward her again. In her hand she held a large, brown sheet of paper. “We’ll just keep zat between us, eh?”

Goose bumps prickled up the back of my neck and arms. I looked between the paper and her face. Where had it come from? It was too large to fit in her bag without folding, yet it was completely smooth and crisp. She handed it to me. The oddly thick paper seemed to be coated in wax. I sniffed it and smelled honey.

“Well, I’m off.” She lifted the plates. “Thank you for ze delicious treats. So good to have met you.”

I nodded, not sure how I felt about this strange and beautiful woman. “You too.”

“Think about eet.” She lifted her chin toward the flyer in my hand and danced her way back to the party.

I held the waxy paper up to my face and read, “The Magnificent Contest for the Water Kingdom’s Next Royal Baker.”


ABOUT THE AUTHOR


A native of Tempe, Arizona, Erin spends her time crafting mysterious, magical, romance-filled stories that’ll hopefully make you laugh. 
In between, she’s traveling, napping with her dogs, eating with her friends and family, and teaching Pilates (to allow her to eat more).

Connect with Erin:
Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads

Buy the book:
Amazon




Sunday, October 29, 2017

FEATURED AUTHOR: ALISTAIR CROSS




ABOUT THE BOOK


The Dead Don't Always Rest in Peace.

Jason Crandall, recently widowed, is left to raise his young daughter and rebellious teenage son on his own - and the old Victorian in Shadow Springs seems like the perfect place for them to start over. But the cracks in Jason’s new world begin to show when he meets Savannah Sturgess, a beautiful socialite who has half the men in town dancing on tangled strings.

When she goes missing, secrets begin to surface, and Jason becomes ensnared in a dangerous web that leads to murder - and he becomes a likely suspect. But who has the answers that will prove his innocence? The jealous husband who’s hell-bent on destroying him? The local sheriff with an incriminating secret? The blind old woman in the house next door who seems to watch him from the windows? Or perhaps the answers lie in the haunting visions and dreams that have recently begun to consume him.

Or maybe, Savannah herself is trying to tell him that things aren’t always as they seem - and that sometimes, the dead don’t rest in peace.






 

LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT INTERVIEW WITH ALISTAIR CROSS


A few of your favorite things:
Ford Mustangs, rock music, good books, horror movies, and cats.
Things you need to throw out:
Some t-shirts with holes in them which I’ve developed a perverse attachment to.

Things you need in order to write:

Silence. Coffee.
Things that hamper your writing:
My cat leaping onto my shoulders to nudge me insistently about the ears, nose, and throat, demanding rubs.

Things you love about writing:
Creative freedom - for the most part. Setting my own hours. Being able to work in my Marvin the Martian slippers and sweatpants. Spending time with people who don’t exist . . .  and whose lives are at stake if they don’t do what I want them to.
Things you hate about writing:
I live in a constant state of searching for the perfect word. And my buttocks are frequently numb.

Hardest thing about being a writer:
Having to be creative on days when you’re just not feeling it.
Easiest thing about being a writer:
Getting dressed for work.

Things you never want to run out of:
Books.
Things you wish you’d never bought:
All these thousands of books that are stuffed into every corner, nook, and cranny.

Words that describe you:
Ambitious. Determined. Disciplined.
Words that describe you but you wish they didn’t: 
Obsessive. Critical. Demanding.

Favorite foods:

Onion rings. Bacon. Cheese.
Things that make you want to throw up:
Pot roast. Raisins. Peas.

Favorite music or song:
Anything by Stevie Nicks.
Music that make your ears bleed:
Twangy Western music. Most pop music.

Favorite beverage:
Green tea with lemon.
Something that gives you a pickle face:
Diet soda.

Favorite smell:
The scent of a woman . . . ?
Something that makes you hold your nose:
The scent of a wet man . . . ?

Something you’re really good at:
Finger-pointing.
Something you’re really bad at:
Styling my hair.

Something you wish you could do:
My hair.
Something you wish you’d never learned to do:
Point my finger.

Something you like to do:
Sit in silence and ponder life.
Something you wish you’d never done:
Pondered life too hard and got all freaked out because I can’t figure it out.

People you consider as heroes:

Anyone with enough nerve to break from convention and do what they love.
People with a big L on their foreheads:
At the risk of turning this political, I shall not comment . . .

Last best thing you ate:
Hummus pizza! (I made it up myself - and it was awesome!)
Last thing you regret eating:
McDonald’s. I always regret McDonald’s.

Things you’d walk a mile for:
Praise for having walked a mile.
Things that make you want to run screaming from the room:
Most bugs. They terrify me. I don’t belong in the same world as creatures with that many eyes and legs.

Things you always put in your books: 

Characters with unconventional lifestyles.
Things you never put in your books: 

Animal abuse.

Things to say to an author:
“Your work affected me and this is why . . . ”
Things to say to an author if you want to be fictionally killed off in their next book:
“I’m a writer, too, and as soon as I have the time, I’m going to write my book!”

Favorite places you’ve been:
The womb.
Places you never want to go to again:
East LA, on foot, after midnight! I can’t believe I survived with my wallet (and my man-chastity) intact!

Favorite book:
Violin by Anne Rice.
Books you would ban:
None. People can read what they want (as long as I don’t have to read that crap).

People you’d like to invite to dinner:
Stevie Nicks.
People you’d cancel dinner on:
At the risk of turning this political, I shall not comment . . .

Favorite things to do:
Drive aimlessly. Netflix binge. Torment my cats with the red dot.
Things you’d run through a fire wearing gasoline pants to get out of doing:
Help your sister move.

Most daring thing you’ve ever done:
Quit my day job to be a writer.
Something you chickened out from doing:
Procreating.

The last thing you did for the first time:
Talked politics.
Something you’ll never do again:
Talk politics.


OTHER BOOKS BY ALISTAIR CROSS

The Angel Alejandro
The Crimson Corset

The Book of Strange Persuasions 

The Cliffhouse Haunting
with Tamara Thorne
The Ghosts of Ravencrest with Tamara Thorne
The Witches of Ravencrest with Tamara Thorne
Mother with Tamara Thorne

Darling Girls with Tamara Thorne (Release date November, 2017)


EXCERPT FROM SLEEP, SAVANNAH, SLEEP



“This is it? Seriously? It’s like we’re moving into Hill House.” In the passenger seat, Brent looked uneasy.

Jason Crandall turned to his son. “It has character.” He looked up at the old Victorian. But he’s right. It’s creepy. Surrounded by mid-century houses, the decrepit Victorian seemed like a flaw on the neighborhood, a stain on something otherwise clean. The cat’s claw vine climbing the walls seemed to shroud the house, as if trying to hide it, the violently yellow blossoms creating a diversion from the faded wood siding - as did the bowers of honeysuckle that accented the yard, draped the veranda, and sweetened the air. Two second-story windows peered out from between the lush vines, looking like the eyes of a hunted beast.

Surrounded on both sides by white split-rail fences coated in spindly climbing roses, the property was spacious, with a small courtyard beyond a wisteria-choked arbor that lead to the back yard. “I don’t know. I think it’s charming.” He offered his son a grin, and shut off the silver Legacy. The annoying squeal - probably a fan belt - went silent and Jason made a mental note to hunt down a local mechanic.

“It’s creepy, Dad. Seriously creepy.” Brent leaned back and assumed his usual air of annoyed indifference.

“But creepy in a cool way, right?” asked Jason.

Brent’s eyes, the color of seawater, looked unimpressed. “Only if you like haunted houses.”

“It’s haunted?” In the back seat, Amber sat up, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Even Ruby, the blond, blue-eyed doll that never left her arms, looked alarmed.

“Of course it isn’t haunted.” Jason shot Brent a warning look. “It’s just old.”

The three of them stared at the house and it seemed to stare right back. All in all, it didn’t appear pleased to meet them.

“Let’s go have a look around.” Jason undid his seatbelt. “After that, you two can help me unload.” A large moving van was a day or two behind them; the small trailer they’d pulled contained only the essentials - and most of Jason’s massage equipment. He knew he was being optimistic about how quickly he could get his studio up and running, but he couldn’t help it. His new business was the entire reason he’d bought the house. It had a basement complete with its own entrance, so Jason could work without having strangers traipsing in and out of the family’s living space. Overall, the old Victorian was pretty ideal, even if it was a little spooky.

Then again, the whole town - or what he’d seen of it so far - was pretty spooky, too. Quaint and quiet, Shadow Springs was a startling contrast to the buzzing pace of Los Angeles. Jason told himself this would be good for him - good for all of them.

Here, just outside of Ojai in Ventura County, they’d begin their new lives, free of bad memories. That was what Jason had told himself a hundred times in the past weeks - it was what he had to believe.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alistair Cross' debut novel, The Crimson Corset, a vampiric tale of terror and seduction, was an immediate bestseller earning praise from veteran vampire-lit author, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, and New York Times bestseller, Jay Bonansinga, author of The Walking Dead series. In 2012, Alistair joined forces with international bestseller, Tamara Thorne, and as Thorne & Cross, they write - among other things - the successful Gothic series, The Ravencrest Saga. Their debut collaboration, The Cliffhouse Haunting, was a bestseller. They are currently at work on their next solo novels and a new collaborative project.

In 2014, Alistair and Tamara began the radio show, Thorne & Cross: Haunted Nights LIVE!, which has featured such guests as Charlaine Harris of the Southern Vampire Mysteries and basis of the HBO series True Blood, Jeff Lindsay, author of the Dexter novels, Jay Bonansinga of The Walking Dead series, Laurell K. Hamilton of the Anita Blake novels, Peter Atkins, screenwriter of Hellraiser 2, 3, and 4, worldwide bestseller V.C. Andrews, and New York Times best sellers Preston & Child, Christopher Rice, and Christopher Moore.

Connect with Alistair:
Website  |  Blog  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Goodreads

Buy the book:
Amazon 

Friday, October 27, 2017

FEATURED AUTHOR: DENNIS D. WILSON




ABOUT THE BOOK

Chicago cop Dean Wister takes a forced vacation when he is on the brink of a breakdown after the death of his wife. During his summer solstice in Jackson Hole, where he met her years before, he is called in by local police to consult when a notorious Chicago mobster is found dead in the Snake River. What has drawn the hitman west to murder a popular local citizen and pollute the pristine mountain enclave of the rich and famous is it love, sex, money, or power? Or is it somehow related to the Presidential campaign of Wyoming's favorite son? Dean's investigation threatens to uncover the secrets of a group of memorable suspects, ranging from rich tycoons to modern day cowboys, with political consequences reaching far beyond the small resort town. As Dean follows the leads in the case from Jackson Hole to Chicago to Washington D.C., he also struggles to cope with the personal loss that threatens his mental stability, as the nocturnal visits from his deceased wife suppress his will to let her go and make him question his purpose in life. The climactic scenes contain reveals the reader will never see coming. A funny, romantic, sexy, roller coaster thriller!







INTERVIEW WITH DENNIS D. WILSON


Dennis, what’s the story behind the title of your book?

The Grand is a reference to The Grand Teton, the infamous peak in the Teton Mountain range and one of the epic peaks in North America to mountaineers and skiers. It’s serves as an important symbol for the main character in the book, Dean Wister, who has recently lost his wife and returns to Teton National Park, where they first met, to get his life back in order. There are several characters in the book who are also searching, so The Grand can symbolize many things to each of them.

Tell us about your series. Is this book a standalone, or do readers need to read the series in order?
This is the first book in a series featuring Dean Wister, a Chicago cop. The second book, the as yet untitled sequel to The Grand, is complete and in editing. It should be published in the summer of 2018. The Grand stands on its own, but hopefully readers will want to know if there is more to the story (there is).

What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned?
Writing has taught me patience, which is definitely not my strong point. Patience in the writing process, as the creative process cannot be forced. Patience in the publishing process in that everything takes much longer than you think it should. Forced learned patience seems to have carried over to other parts of my life as well.

What is the most daring thing you've done?

Climbing the Grand Teton.

What choices in life would you like to have a redo on?
My theory is that if you could do everything over in your life, there is no guarantee that any of it would turn out better, because (luckily) we are unable to foresee the consequences of our decisions. I would like to write a book with this as the premise, but your readers are welcome to steal the idea. I will probably never get around to it.

What brings you sheer delight?
When I am driving in my car to Teton National Park, and I turn around a bend and see the Teton Range. I get chills every time it happens, as if I’m seeing it for the first time.

What would you like God to say when you reach the pearly gates?
What took you so long.

What’s your favorite line from a book?
“We live in a universe of horror and loss surrounded by a singled lighted stage where mortals dance in defiance of the dark.” -Stephen King in 11/22/63

How did you create the plot for this book?
It seems mechanical when I write it down, but I wanted it to be set in Teton National Park, and I wanted the main character to be from Chicago. I needed to devise a plot device to get him there, and another plot device to get him involved in a crime investigation while he was out there. I had a list of elements that I wanted to have in the plot and then “connected the dots” by making up a story containing those elements.

Is your book based on real events?
My wife asked me the same question when she read the book (she was concerned that maybe I was harboring secrets). None of the events are real, but the detail in the locations both in Wyoming and Chicago are very real places.

Who are your favorite authors?
James Lee Burke, Elmore Leonard, Tom Wolfe, John Irving, Paul Theroux
.

What book are you currently reading and in what format?
I’m currently reading God's Little Acre by Erskine Caldwell, an autographed hardcover I picked up online, and the audio book of  Wayfaring Stranger by James Lee Burke narrated by my favorite narrator Will Patton.

How did you find your publisher, and how long did your query process take?
The Grand is published by Water Street Press, and is one of the inaugural books of the Water Street Crime imprint. My agent Elizabeth Trupin-Pulli found my publisher. I found my agent after dozens of queries and rejections. It took about four months to find my Agent and another six to get the book accepted by a publisher.

What is the best compliment you’ve received on your writing?
Someone compared a section of dialog to Elmore Leonard, and a description worthy of James Lee Burke.

Book Details
Genre:
Crime Thriller
Published by: Water Street Press
Publication Date: December 2016
Number of Pages: 304
ISBN: 978-1-62134-330-1 (ASIN: B01N682LXW)

READ AN EXCERPT FROM THE GRAND

1
SENATOR THOMAS MCGRAW sat back in the hand-distressed, buffalo-hide easy chair and contemplated the room around him. This was his first visit to the brand new, custom-designed mountain home of his lover. When their affair started a little over a year ago, what a sweet and savory surprise it had been to both of them. A business relationship grew into friendship, and then suddenly and unexpectedly exploded into something else— a red-hot, cross-country, obsessive romance fueled by shared erotic tastes. The senator felt sexually liberated under the spell of his exotic lover, and he was pretty sure those feelings were mutual. True, they needed to be discreet for a variety of reasons— indiscretion had nearly cost them everything— but they had worked it out. Although hectic schedules limited their rendezvous to only a couple of weekends a month, the deprivation and anxiety of anticipation made these weekends that much more satisfying. He was generally in a frenzy by the time he could get to her.
The room was the den of a typical ten-thousand-square-foot vacation home of the rich and powerful in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Decked out in nouveau western, its reclaimed timbers, Wyoming sandstone, and river rock were either complemented by— or detracted from, depending on your esthetic point of view— the original modern paintings depicting bold and most definitely non-earth-toned western landscapes and various forms of neon-colored wildlife. As Tom sipped his twenty-three-year-old Pappy Van Winkle, he studied the visage of a purple and orange moose head sculpted from California mahogany hanging dispiritedly over the fireplace. Damn, any self-respecting Wyoming moose would be embarrassed to know that this is some guy’s idea of what a trophy moose should look like. His personal style was more traditional Western— big wooden beams and a glut of real dead animal heads on the walls. But, the sex was still new and novel, unlike anything he had felt before, and he was willing to overlook these stylistic differences for the time being or, who knew, maybe for a long time. As his mentor had told him a long time ago: “Pussy is a powerful motivator.”
“I am soooo happy we were able to start our weekend a day early,” his lover called from the other room. “I’ve been so horny this week that I’ve been bouncing off the walls. I brought back something special for you from Chicago. Just give me another minute, sweetie.” Charlotte Kidwell dressed, and undressed, to accentuate her best features: her big green eyes, her long, toned legs, and her perfect bubble butt. Her regular head-to-toe salon appointments, personal trainer, and strict dietary regimen were essentials to the healthy, put-together appearance that women of her age and social status often have, if they have the money and motivation to work at it. In her younger days, her insecure attempts to add sex appeal fell short, and she’d ended up with an oddly unfeminine look with her clumsy and unsuccessful experiments with cosmetics. But middle age had actually softened her features, and as she became more adept at the finer points of female grooming, she began to realize how much she resembled her sister. During what she referred to as “The Sexual Awakening,” she had finally developed the confidence in her sexuality to consciously emulate her sister’s makeup and dress. Her older sibling had always exuded effortless sexuality, and throughout high school and college had gone through more boys in most years than Charlotte had dated for her entire youth.
The senator had certainly surprised her. Although his belly professed his lust for food and drink and a disinclination for exercise, his face was the opposite, exuding an irresistible cowboy masculinity. At middle age, most people have to choose between a wrinkle-free face and a toned and youthful body. What was it her friend in Chicago called fat? “Nature’s botox.” He had chosen his beautiful face at the expense of his body, but that was fine with her, because he was a sexual artiste. Certainly no one who knew him could possibly conceive of the hot spring of sexuality that was percolating beneath his surface. In spite of their distinctly different personalities, she considered him her soul mate. The first man in her forty-four years who had ever laid claim to that title. The thought made her giggle.
“Hurry up, baby, and get your pretty little ass out here.”
Appearing in the doorway, she framed herself with the hand-on-the-hip pose so popular with women much younger than herself. “You like? I know this little specialty boutique in Chicago, and it ain’t Macy’s Intimate Apparel.”
He liked the look very much. The red lace push-up bra, matching thong panties, silk kimono, and six-inch stilettos appealed to the man who’d had a weakness for strippers in his younger days. Though the untied robe looked more like a cape than boudoir attire, and the entire outfit reminded him of a porn movie he once saw— Superslut, a parody of Superwoman, he had to give her an “A” for effort. “Wow, you look like a very sexy Little Red Riding Hood. And where in the world did you find a bra that makes those pretty little A cups of yours look like Cs? Now turn around and let me admire your world-class bootie.”
She did a little twirl for him, grinned, and pushed together her bra cups to emphasize her cleavage. “It’s called a miracle bra, and see, it does work miracles. Now you just sit there and sip your whiskey. I have another surprise for you.” She strutted over to the bookcase, flipped a switch, and AC/ DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long” filled the room. And she began to dance.
“Oh my.” Tom took a big swallow and relished the burn. “You are just full of surprises tonight.”
“Just sit back and enjoy, Senator. I’ve got a few more surprises coming your way.”
Watching her rehearsed moves, the familiar hunger began to stir below his opulent belly. And then, in a maneuver that would have been impressive for a woman of any age, she turned away from him, spread her legs, touched her toes, looked straight up at him from her bare inverted V, and twerked. She had been practicing all afternoon, and when she saw the image of her quivering butt in the mirror she couldn’t wait to see his reaction.
“Oh, my god, where did you learn that?” The stirring rising now to a different level. And he was also wondering... her dance routine looked really professional.
“I have a very good friend in Chicago who does this for a living, and she’s been giving me some lessons.”
“Judging from that pose, sweetie, your friend must be an instructor in ‘stripper yoga’.” The senator, feeling the fire down there, leaned forward and reached for that perfect ass. “Get over here and let me take you the way I like, the way I know you like.” Putting his hands on her bare cheeks and grabbing two hands full, he left his chubby fingerprints as indentations on her flesh. Crazed now, pulling off his pants and underwear but not bothering with his shirt and tie, he pulled her thong aside, mounted her, grunting, sighing. Both of them grunting, sighing, grunting some more. And now just the sounds of flesh slapping flesh. And AC/ DC, urging them on...
Hayden Smith was running late. He was always running late. It was common knowledge in town that you had to book every appointment with Hayden an hour early to get him to show up on time. Attorney, county commissioner, real estate broker and developer, owner of a property management company— all that, plus trying to live up to the moniker of Teton County’s most eligible bachelor as determined by Mountain Woman magazine, well, that could take a toll on a man, even a man as fit and athletic as Hayden. And it was taking its toll on Hayden today. Sometimes he thought there was little point in taking any time off because you had to work twice as hard just to clear your schedule.
The last item of the day on his long list was to make sure all was in order in the home of his newest property management client before their arrival the next morning. But what he really was thinking about, as he put the key in the door, was that he was already an hour late for a dinner date at the home of one of Teton County’s richest and most beautiful socialites. And so if he hadn’t been fantasizing about the evening’s upcoming sensual activities, and if he hadn’t assumed that it was his cleaning crew that had left that open bourbon bottle on the counter, and if he hadn’t been formulating the words he was going to use to chew Pablo’s ass about getting control of his maintenance team, and if he had checked his voicemail after his last two meetings instead of engaging in licentious banter on the phone with the young socialite, then he might have reacted differently to the pounding bass of one of the most iconic rock anthems of the 1980s. He might not have followed the mesmerizing sound of Brian Johnson’s sandpaper voice into the den, assuming that he would find some of his employees having an unauthorized party; and he might not have witnessed the sight in front of him that would not only drastically change his life but would also set in motion a chain of events that had the potential to change the course of American history.
If he had looked directly at the man’s face, he almost certainly would have recognized one of the most well-known faces in Wyoming, soon to be equally famous throughout America. However, Hayden looked everywhere but into his face. The man, still dressed for business on top but naked from the waist down, was humping a pretty redhead doggie style, and Hayden was fascinated that with each thrust, her red stilettos would come off the ground about twelve inches, and then at the end of the thrust, the tips of her heels would bang down on the pine floor. Thrust, bang, thrust, bang, thrust, bang. Later when he played that video clip back in his mind, he captioned it “porn star tap dancing.”
He looked all around the room, but his eyes kept coming back to those red shoes, maybe because he didn’t really want to look at the man’s jiggling ass, or maybe because when his eyes followed those shoes north he was treated to a pair of the finest legs and most delicious bootie that he had ever seen. If he had been thinking clearly, he would have just turned around and walked right out of the house and he would have been able to go back to his great life as Teton County’s busiest and most eligible bachelor. But for whatever reason— the shock of the scene, or his own perverse voyeurism— he did not turn back around. He knocked on the door jamb with his clipboard and stammered loudly enough to be heard over AC/ DC. “Ah, ah, ah, I thought you weren’t coming in until tomorrow. I just came to check on the house. Is everything OK? I mean, just call me if anything isn’t OK. Sorry to interrupt. I’ll just let myself out...” And then he backed out of the room and nearly sprinted out the door.
Tom jumped up with impressive agility considering his exertion and girth, partly hopping, definitely bobbing. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”
Charlotte rolled over onto her side. “What the fuck, I left him a message that I was coming in today. What was he thinking?”
And the senator just kept repeating, “Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.” Then, catching his breath, added to his mantra, “I’m sure he saw me, I’m sure he saw me, I’m sure he saw me.”
His lover, handing him the rest of his twenty-three-year-old Pappy, said, “Here, drink this,” trying not to let the panic sound in her voice. She thought for a moment. “We’ll call Mario. He’ll know what to do. If that asshole tells anyone it’ll hurt Mario as much as us. Well, maybe not quite as much as us, but you know what I mean.”
Tom sat down for a minute, his white dress shirt soaked through, wheezing from the exertion, from the excitement, from the fear, his heart a thumping kettle drum in his chest. Neither of them said a word for a minute, then two. Finally realizing the heart attack wasn’t coming, he took a huge breath and said, “OK, call him.”
Charlotte punched the number into her mobile phone. “Mario? Sorry to bother you, but we have a problem. Some asshole just walked in on the two of us. Walked in on us… you know. What do you think we were doing? How could he not recognize him? Yeah, he’s my property manager. Hold on. Honey, would you hand me that business card on the table?”
2
THE FIRST TIME Dean Wister had visited the Tetons was twelve years ago, the summer before his senior year in college. Although he said it was adventure he was looking for, it was escape that he was really seeking when he answered an ad to guide for one of the rafting companies that run whitewater trips down the Snake River, just south of Teton National Park. It was a grueling twenty-four-hour drive from his home in Chicago to Jackson Hole, the mountain town at the foot of the spectacular Teton Range, and the route that he was taking, I-90 across Illinois, Wisconsin, and South Dakota, was one of the most monotonous and boring stretches of highway across America. Hour after hour he would stare at the road between truck stops, trying to keep alert for the highway patrol and the erratic driving of drowsy long-distance truckers. He tried listening to music and audio books, but his mind wouldn’t let him focus. Lately, he had a lot of trouble focusing. He’d once tried meditation, taking a Transcendental Meditation workshop with his wife, Sara, but meditation wasn’t for him. His mind would inevitably wander from the rhythm of his breathing to some problem from work that he was trying to solve. Dean had always been more of a ruminator than a meditator. And so he ruminated for hour after hour. He ruminated about all that had happened over the last twelve years. He ruminated about the horror of the last year. And he ruminated about what the future might, or more importantly, might not, hold.
That first trip had also been a time of transition for him. His mother died after his freshman year in high school, and his dad was killed in a work accident at the lumber yard just before Dean started college. As an only child he had led a solitary existence growing up, but by the time he left for college he was officially an orphan, no parents to cheer him as the starting safety on the University of Illinois football team, and no siblings to share the empty and confused feelings of losing the only responsible adults he had ever known. His hometown of Summersville, West Virginia, was near the banks of the Gauley River, one of the most famous whitewater-rafting rivers in the East, and the gray, small-minded, and cruel little town resembled what Mayberry may have looked like if Andy hadn’t been born. Until he was seventeen, Dean had never met a college graduate outside of a classroom, and growing up with his nose stuck in a book most of the time, his peers, and even most of the adults he knew, looked down on his habit as a sign of either homosexuality, laziness, or both. Maybe it was resentment for not living the fantastic and interesting life of the characters in the books that he read, or maybe it was the bullying that he experienced from his literature-averse peers, or maybe it was his sense of insecurity and inferiority from his hillbilly background, or maybe it was just his nature— for whatever reason, there was a well of anger deep inside of Dean.
The bullying stopped the first time he stepped on a football field. He loved to play defense, and putting the hammer to the ball carrier or receiver was equally pleasurable to him, whether in practice or during an actual game. He loved the rush of power he felt when a body crushed beneath him as he delivered the blow. As he would take aim at his target coming across the field, he imagined his body as a sledge hammer and he would launch himself, helmet first, at his opponents, relishing the pain he received nearly as much as the pain he delivered. As his scrawny adolescent body matured into a six-foot, one-hundred-ninety-pound defensive back, his football hits became ever more fearsome, and attracted the attention of a recruiter for the University of Illinois. Football would end for him upon college graduation for, as a pro scout told him, “Son, you sure have the meanness for pro football, but not the speed.” But that was all right; football had served its purpose.
The first time his dad had taken him along to run the rapids of the Gauley he was only nine years old, but after that he was addicted to the river. Working as a gofer for one of the rafting companies, imagining himself as one of the cocky swaggering guides, he would do anything to be near the river. The owner of the company took a liking to him, and broke the rules to put him on as a guide at sixteen. He worked on the Gauley through high school and college. But, with the death of his father, West Virginia held too many painful memories; he needed to get away. He heard from some fellow guides that the Snake River in Wyoming, south of Jackson, could be fun. Sure, its mostly Class 2 and 3 rapids were nothing compared to the Gauley, but he had always wanted to see the Rockies, and it was about as far away from West Virginia as he could imagine. That summer on the Snake, in the Tetons, revealed another side that he didn’t know he had. He learned how to cap that well of anger, to regulate the flow, to use it instead of letting it use him, and for the next decade was able to let it out only when his job demanded it. He discovered that there was another well, an untapped well, within him. A well of love and sweetness, of kindness and generosity. And the auger that tapped that well was Sara.
He’d just sent some food back at the Pioneer Grill, the coffee shop in Jackson Lake Lodge in Teton National Park. His order of sautéed Rocky Mountain rainbow trout appeared on his plate as buffalo meatloaf. His anger rising at this inexcusable display of disrespect and incompetence, he called over the pretty blonde server and pointed at the food in front of him. “Miss, do you think you would recognize a Rocky Mountain rainbow trout if you saw one?” She’d looked first at the gravy-smothered brown glob, and then directly into his twisted angry face, and behind her best smile said, “Apparently not, but I can recognize an asshole when I see one.”
Dean was overmatched by the spunky girl with eyes of a deeper blue than the summer skies over the Grand Tetons, and he fell in love on the spot. They laughed at the story forever, and she still called him “meatloaf asshole” on occasion, either when she was feeling especially fond or, more often, particularly annoyed with him. She loved to tease him and ridicule his quirks, calling him “schizo” for the many paradoxical elements in his personality: jock/ intellectual, hot head/ sentimentalist, loner/ showoff. But when she would call him “schizo” and flash him her irresistible smile, it would always soften his mood, and he was able to laugh at himself.
As a trust-fund baby of a power couple in Chicago’s legal community, Sara’s suburban childhood was exactly the opposite of Dean’s. Her bookworm ways were admired by her parents, friends, and her community. The vivacious blond with the sharp wit and the ability to fit in with every social group was a psych major at the University of Chicago, less than a two-hour drive up the interstate from Champaign if you are a hormone-crazed college boy, more like three hours for everyone else. Her well of anger was only a fraction of Dean’s and reserved exclusively for bullies and people who abused children, animals, and the less fortunate. But if you happened to occupy that territory, her fierceness could make even Dean flinch.
When he thought of their first summer, it played back in his head like some film made from a Nicolas Sparks novel. As he watched the movie, alone in the theater seat of his Jeep Cherokee, he smiled at the “meet cute” first scene in the coffee shop, marveled at the on-location, awe-inspiring backdrops of the Snake and the Tetons, was moved to tears by the scene where he makes love to Sara for the first time. And he couldn’t criticize the filmmaker’s decision to leave every sex scene of the summer in the movie. There they are making love on the window seat in the tiny apartment shared by Dean and his four other river rat roommates. There they are making love after a picnic at Schwabacher’s landing, the Tetons reflected like a painting in the beaver pond. And there they are on their last day of the summer, on a picnic in the alpine meadow they had discovered on their long hike into the mountains. The meadow they had named “Sara’s Meadow.” The meadow where Dean proposed. The meadow they pledged to return to each year on their anniversary. They talked of it often, and relived the moment every year on that special day. But they never came back. Life, and careers, and bullshit got in the way.
Careers included the single-minded ambition they shared. Dean’s resulted in a meteoric rise to detective in the Chicago Police Department and, after being handpicked to join the Midwest Organized Crime Task Force as the only local police detective among FBI and ATF agents, his days and weeks became an unending blur of clues, criminals, and cases. Sara’s graduate degree at Northwestern led to a tenure track appointment at Loyola University. But tenure track meant running never-ending, back-to-back-to-back marathons of teaching, research, and publishing. Their career ambitions allowed no room for children, or travel, or a return to Sara’s Meadow.
And then, over the last year, came the bullshit. Dean was working eighty-hour weeks on a high-profile case involving government and police corruption, and many of the Chicago cops whom he considered friends turned away from him. And then, just when they thought they were getting close to breaking the case, the investigation was shut down and he was reassigned. He was exhausted, disappointed, stressed, and his friends treated him like a traitor.
And then there was Sara. She had been diagnosed with cancer just as Dean began the investigation from hell. After her initial treatment, she received a clean report, and he was too preoccupied to notice when she continued to lose weight. A check-up a few months later showed that the cancer had returned. The rebound was aggressive, additional treatment failed to stop the spread, and she continued to get weaker and weaker in spite of what she would call “frequent invitations for happy hour cancer cocktails with my oncologist.” She even made up names for the cocktails based on the side effects she would experience afterward. There was the Diarrhea Daiquiri, the Migraine Martini, and the Vomit-rita. No subject was out of bounds for her wicked and irreverent sense of humor. Once, when she was bedridden near the end, Dean asked her how she was feeling, and in her best Sally Field Mama Gump imitation, she said “Well, Forrest, I’ve got the cancer.”
Dean wanted to take a leave to stay at Sara’s bedside, but she made up her mind that that was not an option. And when Sara made up her mind about something, he had learned to let her have her way. So Dean was relegated to spending every hour that he wasn’t working by her side, holding her close, imagining how they would live their lives differently when she was well. The night she died, she asked him to describe that day in Sara’s Meadow. And when he finished, she said, “Promise we can go there when I get well. Will you take me there next summer?” He nodded, unable to speak. She slept peacefully that night for the first time in quite a while, and in the morning she was gone.
Strangely, although she was the center of his universe, the only person that he could say he ever truly loved, he showed little emotion when she died. He didn’t cry. He felt almost as if he were an outside observer of these terrible events. He experienced only numbness. An unrelenting, withering numbness. A numbness interrupted only by random bursts of anger that disturbed even the hardened cops he worked with. Dean was not unaware of his problem, and tried to channel the anger by hooking up with Manny Cohen, a mixed martial arts coach and self-proclaimed king of “Jew-Jitsu”. He loved the physicality of the MMA bouts, and that the jiu-jitsu moves he learned permitted him to disable much bigger and stronger fighters, even if he was on the ground being pummeled. He justified the training as part of his law-enforcement skills, but he knew what it was really about— the ability to inflict some of the horrible hurt he was feeling on others.
The changes in Dean since Sara’s death were most troubling to his boss, Carlos Alvarez. Carlos had been crushed when, on the verge of busting a Chicago mob guy who had both political and police connections, which evidently reached all the way to Washington, the whole operation had been shut down. In his heart, he knew it was those same connections he was investigating that had defeated him. He looked at Dean and watched one of the most competitive spirits he had ever known flicker out, starved for the oxygen that Sara could no longer supply. The case they had put their hearts and souls into for the last year was ripped out of their hands and Dean, who normally would be just as pissed off as he was, seemed to be only going through the motions.
But the most disturbing problem, as far as he was concerned, was Dean’s refusal to mourn Sara. Carlos watched as Dean’s isolation became extreme, and he refused all offers to talk or socialize. Dean’s robotic demeanor and increasingly unpredictable violent outbursts were scaring him. When Carlos sent him to meet with the psychologist assigned to their department, he refused to cooperate. He insisted that he was fine. But Carlos knew he wasn’t fine. He saw a man on the brink of a breakdown and finally decided that drastic action was needed to rescue the man from himself. One morning he walked into Dean’s office and handed him a letter worded as an authorization, which was actually an order, to take a three-month leave of absence.
“But where will I go? What will I do?” Dean said, seemingly incapable of entertaining any change to his barely functional routine. Carlos looked toward the picture on his desk, the one taken twelve years earlier. It showed Dean standing on a whitewater raft. Sara was sitting in the boat looking up at him with a combination of love and lust in her eyes. In the background, the grandeur of the Tetons loomed. “You have to get out of town. You have to get away from here, from all this. And I know where I would go if I had no obligations and three months off. I’ve been envying that picture since the day you moved in here.”
What his boss didn’t know, and what Dean couldn’t tell him, or anyone else for that matter, was the real reason that he wouldn’t see the psychologist— something that would make him seem crazy to outsiders. Hell, he often had that thought about himself. Not every evening, but maybe two or three nights a week, he would spend the night with Sara. He would wake up a couple of hours after he went to sleep, and she would be there, sitting in the chair next to his bed. He would get up, and they would talk just like they used to, about everything, what was happening in his life and in his job, or what was going on in the news. They would make love, and it was every bit as passionate and real as before she was sick. When he would wake up in the morning, she would be gone. At first, he tried to convince himself that it was all a dream, until one night he washed the sheets before he went to bed, and the next morning her perfume lingered on the bedding. She was really there, and she was as real as anything he had ever experienced.
He had nothing against psychologists. He had seen a therapist in college after a particularly hard break-up and had found it very helpful. In fact, he visited that same therapist when Carlos was pushing him to see the department shrink— he wasn’t about to have his craziness officially certified to his employer. And his own therapist confirmed what he instinctively knew himself. “Your hallucinations of your dead wife will go away when you allow yourself to fully mourn her.” But that was exactly the problem. Her very real apparition was the only tangible thing he had left of her. Her visits were the only thing that let him get through the day, that kept him from becoming totally out of control, and he wasn’t going to let anyone take that away from him. He was determined to hold on to whatever was left of her, for as long as he could.
Sara was the one that convinced him to take the trip. She told him during one of their nocturnal visits that he could use the time off; that she knew he was stressed out. He agreed on one condition. That she would come with him. She gave him her mischievous smile, the one that had captured him that first day in the coffee shop, and said, “That’s not a problem. I’m not going without sex for three months. And the ghosts here are too creepy to sleep with.”
That first summer twelve years ago, he had come into town from the south, getting off I-80 west of Rock Springs, approaching Jackson via Alpine and driving up through the Snake River canyon so that he could view the whitewater section he would be working. Wyoming is mostly high plains except for the northwestern part, which is an endless vista of scrub grass, prickly pear, sage brush, with occasional red-rock battleships and gargoyles. On that first trip he was able to view the Wind River Range in the distance outside his window, but he didn’t really get a good view of the Teton Range until he reached the outskirts of the town of Jackson. This time he had decided to take the Northern route via I-90, because he wanted to see the Black Hills, one of the few topographic areas of interest that is easily accessible from the interstate. So he was not really prepared for what happened when his Jeep rounded the bend on Route 26, east of Teton National Park, and he looked west. The fragrance hit him first. He had the windows in his Jeep rolled down and, as the road increased in elevation, the air turned cooler and became infused with snow runoff blended into mountain streams and the bouquet of lodgepole pine forests to form the unique perfume that his unconscious associated with his first summer there. He was looking down for a station on the radio when he felt the jolt, as if a switch was flipped in his brain, and when he turned his face back to the road, the windshield was suddenly and magically filled with the panorama of the majestic purple, snow-tipped peaks of the mountain range that symbolized all that had been true and pure in his life. All that was lost and would never ever return. The image struck him like a bullet in his chest, sucking all the air from his body. The next thing he knew, he was out of his car, on the side of the road, on his knees, gasping for air, heaving, sobbing. “Oh, Sara. My sweet, sweet, Sara.”
***
Excerpt from The Grand by Dennis D. Wilson.  Copyright © 2017 by Dennis D. Wilson. Reproduced with permission from Dennis D. Wilson. All rights reserved.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR


After a career working in an international consulting firm and as a financial executive with two public companies, Dennis D. Wilson returns to the roots he established as a high school literature and writing teacher. For his debut novel, he draws upon his experiences from his hometown of Chicago, his years of living, working, hiking, and climbing in Jackson Hole, and secrets gleaned from time spent in corporate boardrooms, to craft a political crime thriller straight from today’s headlines. Dennis lives in suburban Chicago with his wife Paula and Black Lab Jenny, but spends as much time as he can looking for adventure in the mountains and on his motorcycle.



Connect with Dennis:

Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Instagram

Buy the book:
Amazon  |  Barnes & Noble 



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Wednesday, October 25, 2017

FEATURED AUTHOR: LINDA LOVELY



ABOUT THE BOOK

Living on a farm with four hundred goats and a cantankerous carnivore isn’t among vegan chef Brie Hooker’s list of lifetime ambitions. But she can’t walk away from her Aunt Eva, who needs help operating her dairy.
Once she calls her aunt’s goat farm home, grisly discoveries offer ample inducements for Brie to employ her entire vocabulary of cheese-and-meat curses. The troubles begin when the farm’s pot-bellied pig unearths the skull of Eva’s husband, who disappeared years back. The sheriff, kin to the deceased, sets out to pin the murder on Eva. He doesn’t reckon on Brie’s resolve to prove her aunt’s innocence. Death threats, ruinous pedicures, psychic shenanigans, and biker bar fisticuffs won’t stop Brie from unmasking the killer, even when romantic befuddlement throws her a curve.





LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT INTERVIEW WITH LINDA LOVELY




A few of your favorite things:
Our fireplace in winter. Photos of family and friends that bring back memories.

Things you need to throw out:
Clothes that haven’t fit for a decade. Actually I need to give these away.



Hardest thing about being a writer:

Making money. 

Easiest thing about being a writer:
Writing. Editing your first draft is a lot harder.



Words that describe you:
I’m an optimist. I can laugh at myself.

Words that describe you but you wish they didn’t:
I’m vertically challenged and horizontally expanding.



Favorite foods:
Chicken parmesan, and lasagna. In fact, most Italian cuisine. And, of course, the biggie, chocolate.
Things that make you want to throw up:
Very few things, which may explain why I’m expanding horizontally. But I’m not a fan of raw fish.



Favorite music or song:
Soft rock and even songs from earlier generations. I love listening to about anything performed by the Beach Boys, the Carpenters, Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross, Johnny Mathis, Andy Williams, Diane Warwick.

Music that makes your ears bleed:
All rap music.



Favorite smell:
Cookies fresh out of the oven and tea olives in bloom.

Something that makes you hold your nose:
Limburger cheese and smelly shoes and socks.



Something you’re really good at:
Asking questions/interviewing and cooking.

Something you’re really bad at:
Backing up a car—just ask my husband.



Last best thing you ate:
Chicken parmesan.

Last thing you regret eating:
No specific food, just quantity—as in I ate way too much.



Things you always put in your books:
Smart women.

Things you never put in your books:
Torture, excessive gore, child abuse.



Things to say to an author:

Loved your book! This Christmas I’m buying copies for all my friends.

Things to say to an author if you want to be fictionally killed off in their next book:
I saw you wrote a book. I think I’m going to write one, too. I have a week free.



Things that make you happy:
Good reviews of my books.

Things that drive you crazy:
People that join a group, marry someone, or move into a neighborhood with a plan to remake the group, person, neighborhood to fit their image.


Book Details:

Genre: Humorous Cozy Mystery
Published by: Henery Press
Publication Date: Oct. 24, 2017
Number of Pages: 266
ISBN: 9781635112597
Series: Brie Hooker Mystery, #1

READ AN EXCERPT FROM BONES TO PICK

ONE

Hello, I’m Brie, and I’m a vegan.
It sounds like I’m introducing myself at a Vegetarians Anonymous meeting. But, trust me, there aren’t enough vegetarians in Ardon County, South Carolina, to make a circle much less hold a meeting.
Give yourself ten points if you already know vegans are even pickier than vegetarians. We forgo meat, fish, eggs, and dairy. But we’re big on cashews, walnuts, and almonds. All nuts are good nuts. Appropriate with my family.
Family. That’s why I put my career as a vegan chef on hold to live and work in Ardon, a strong contender for the South’s carnivore-and- grease capital. My current job? I help tend four hundred goats, make verboten cheese, and gather eggs I’ll never poach. Most mornings when Aunt Eva rousts me before the roosters, I roll my eyes and mutter.
Still, I can’t complain. I had a choice. Sort of. Blame it on the pig—Tammy the Pig—for sticking her snout in our family business.

I’d consorted with vegans and vegetarians for too long. I seriously underestimated how much cholesterol meat eaters could snarf down at a good old-fashioned wake. Actually, I wasn’t sure this wake was “old fashioned,” but it was exactly how Aunt Lilly would have planned her own send-off—if she’d had the chance. Ten days ago, the feisty sixty- two-year-old had a toddler’s curiosity and a twenty-year-old’s appetite for adventure. Her death was a total shock.
I glanced at Aunt Lilly’s epitaph hanging behind the picnic buffet. She’d penned it years back. Her twin, Aunt Eva, found it in Lilly’s desk and reprinted it in eighty-point type.

“There once was a farmer named Lilly
Who never liked anything frilly,
She tended her goats,
Sowed a few wild oats,
And said grieving her death would be silly.”

In a nod to Lilly’s spirit, Aunt Eva planned today’s wake complete with fiddling, hooch, goo-gogs of goat cheese, and the whole panoply of Southern fixins—mounds of country ham, fried chicken, barbecue, and mac-and-cheese awash in butter. Every veggie dish came dressed with bacon crumbles, drippings, or cream of mushroom soup.
Not a morsel fit for a vegan. Eva’s revenge. I’d made the mistake of saying I didn’t want to lose her, too, and hinted she’d live longer if she cut back on cholesterol. Not my smartest move. The name of her farm? Udderly Kidding Dairy. Cheese and eggs had been Eva’s meal ticket for decades.
My innocent observation launched a war. Whenever I opened the refrigerator, I’d find a new message. This morning a Post-it on my dish of blueberries advised: The choline in eggs may enhance brain development and memory—as a vegan you probably forgot.
Smoke from the barbeque pit permeated the air as I replenished another platter of shredded pork on the buffet. My mouth watered and I teetered on the verge of drooling. While I was a dedicated vegan, my olfactory senses were still programmed “Genus Carnivorous.” My stomach growled—loudly. Time to thwart its betrayal with the veggies and hummus dip I’d stashed in self-defense.
I’d just stuck a juicy carrot in my mouth when a large hand squeezed my shoulder.
“Brie, honey, you’ve been working nonstop,” Dad said. “Take a break. Mom’s on her way. We can play caterers. The food’s prepared. No risks associated with our cooking.”
I choked on my carrot and sputtered. “Good thing. Do you even remember the last time Mom turned on an oven?”
Dad smiled. “Can’t recall. Maybe when you were a baby? But, hey, we’re wizards at takeout and microwaves.”
His smile faltered. I caught him staring at Aunt Lilly’s epitaph. “Still can’t believe Lilly’s gone.” He attempted a smile. “Knowing her sense of humor, we’re lucky she didn’t open that epitaph with ‘There once was a lass from Nantucket.’”
I’d never seen Dad so sad. Lilly’s unexpected death stunned him to his core. He adored his older sisters.
Mom appeared at his side and wrapped an arm around his waist. She loved her sisters-in-law, too, though she complained my childless aunts spoiled me beyond repair.
Of course, Lilly’s passing hit Eva the hardest. A fresh boatload of tears threatened as I thought about the aunt left behind. I figured my tear reservoir had dried up after days of crying. Wrong. The tragedy—a texting teenager smashing head-on into Lilly’s car—provoked a week- long family weep-a-thon. It ended when Eva ordered us to cease and desist.
“This isn’t what Lilly would want,” she declared. “We’re gonna throw a wake. One big, honking party.”
Which explained the fifty-plus crowd of friends and neighbors milling about the farm, tapping their feet to fiddlin’, and consuming enough calories to sustain the populace of a small principality for a week.
I hugged Dad. “Thanks. I could use a break. I’ll find Eva. See how she’s doing.”
I spotted her near a flower garden filled with cheery jonquils. It looked like a spring painting. Unfortunately, the cold March wind that billowed Eva’s scarlet poncho argued the blooms were false advertising. The weatherman predicted the thermometer would struggle to reach the mid-forties today.
My aunt’s build was what I’d call sturdy, yet Eva seemed to sway in the gusty breeze as she chatted with Billy Jackson, the good ol’ boy farrier who shod her mule. Though my parents pretended otherwise, we all knew Billy slept under Eva’s crazy quilt at least two nights a week.
I nodded at the couple. Well, actually, the foursome. Brenda, the farm’s spoiled pet goat, and Kai, Udderly’s lead Border collie, were competing with Billy for my aunt’s attention.
“Mom and Dad are watching the buffet,” I said. “Thought I’d see if you need me to do anything. Are you expecting more folks?”
“No.” Eva reached down and tickled the tiny black goat’s shaggy head. “Imagine everyone who’s coming is here by now. They’ll start clearing out soon. Chow down and run. Can’t blame ’em. Especially the idiot women who thought they ought to wear dresses. That biting wind’s gotta be whistling up their drawers.”
Billy grinned as he looked Eva up and down. Her choice of wake attire—poncho, black pants, and work boots—surprised no one, and would have delighted Lilly.
“Do you even own a dress?” Billy laughed. “You’re one to talk.” Eva gave his baggy plaid suit and clip-on bowtie the stink eye. “I suppose you claim that gristle on your chin is needed to steady your fiddle.”
He kissed Eva’s cheek. “Yep, that’s it. Time to rejoin my fellow fiddlers, but first I have a hankering to take a turn at the Magic Moonshine tent.”
“You do that. Maybe the ’shine will improve your playing. It’ll definitely make you sound better to your listening audience. After enough of that corn liquor even my singing could win applause.”
A dark-haired stranger usurped Billy’s place, bending low to plant a kiss on the white curls that sprang from my aunt’s head like wood shavings. Wow.
They stacked handsome tall when they built him. Had to be at least six-four.
Even minus an introduction, I figured this tall glass of sweet tea had to be Paint, the legendary owner of Magic Moonshine. Sunlight glinted off hair the blue-black of expensive velvet. Deep dimples. Rakish smile.
I’d spent days sobbing, and my libido apparently was saying “enough”—time to rejoin the living. If this bad boy were any more alive, he’d be required to wear a “Danger High Voltage” sign. Of course, Aunt Lilly wouldn’t mind. She’d probably rent us a room.
I ventured a glance and found him smiling at me. My boots were suddenly fascinating. Never stare at shiny objects with the potential to hypnotize. I refused to fall under another playboy’s spell.
“How’s my best gal?” he asked, hugging Eva. “Best for this minute, right?” my aunt challenged. “I bet my niece will be your best gal before I finish the introductions.” Eva put a hand on my shoulder. “Paint, this young whippersnapper is Brie Hooker, my favorite niece. ’Course, she’s my only niece. Brie, it’s with great trepidation that I introduce you to David Paynter, better known as Paint, unrepentant moonshiner and heartbreaker.”
Eva subjected Paint to her pretend badass stare, a sure sign he was one of her favorite sparring partners. “Don’t you go messing with Brie, or I’ll bury you down yonder with Mark, once I nail his hide.”
Paint laughed, a deep, rumbling chuckle. He turned toward me and bowed like Rhett Butler reincarnated.
“Pleased to meet you, Brie. That puzzled look tells me you haven’t met Mark, the wily coyote that harasses Eva’s goats. She’s wasted at least six boxes of buckshot trying to scare him off. Me? I’ll gladly risk her shotgun to make your acquaintance. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Eva gave Paint a shove. “Well, if that’s the case, go on. Give Brie a shot of your peach moonshine. It’s pretty good.”
“Peach moonshine it is,” he said and took my arm. A second later, he tightened his grip and pulled me to the right. “Better watch your step. You almost messed up those pretty boots.”
He pointed at a fresh pile of fragrant poop, steaming in the brisk air inches from my suede boots. “Thanks,” I mumbled. Still holding my arm, he steered me over uneven ground to a clear path. “Eva says you’re staying with her. Hope you don’t have to leave for a while. Your aunt’s a fine lady, and it’s going to be mighty hard on her once this flock of well-wishers flies off.”
His baritone sent vibrations rippling through my body. My brain ordered me to ignore the tingling that remained in places it didn’t belong.
He smiled. “Eva and Lilly spoke about you so often I feel like we’re already friends. ’Course head-shaking accompanied some of their comments. They said you’d need to serve plenty of my moonshine if you ever opened a vegan B&B in Ardon County. Here abouts it’s considered unpatriotic to serve eats that haven’t been baptized in a vat of lard. Vegetables are optional; meat, mandatory.”
Uh, oh. I always gave relatives and friends a free pass on good- natured kidding. But a stranger? This man was poking fun at my profession, yet my hackles—smoothed by the hunk’s lopsided grin— managed only a faint bristle.
Back away. Pronto.
Discovering my ex-fiancé, Jack, was boffing not one, but two co-workers the entire two years we were engaged made me highly allergic to lady-killers. Paint was most definitely a member of that tribe.
“What can I say? I’m a rebel,” I replied. “It’s my life’s ambition to convince finger-lickin’, fried-chicken lovers that life without meat, butter, eggs, and cheese does not involve a descent into the nine circles of hell.”
Paint released me, then raised his hand to brush a wayward curl from my forehead. His flirting seemed to be congenital.
“If you’re as feisty as your aunt claims, why don’t you take me on as a challenge? I do eat tomatoes—fried green ones, anyway—and I’m open to sampling other members of the vegetable kingdom. So long as they don’t get between me and my meat. Anyway, welcome to the Carolina foothills. Time to pour some white lightning. It’s smoother than you might expect.”
And so are you. Too smooth for me.
That’s when we heard the screams.

TWO

Paint zoomed off like a Clemson running back, hurtling toward the screams—human, not goat. I managed to stay within a few yards of him, slipping and sliding as my suede boots unwittingly smooshed a doggie deposit. Udderly’s guardian dogs, five Great Pyrenees, were large enough to saddle, and their poop piles rivaled cow paddies.
I reached the barn, panting, with a stitch in my right side. I stopped to catch my breath. Hallelujah. I braced my palm against the weathered barn siding.
Ouch. Harpooned by a jagged splinter. Blood oozed from the sensitive pad below my right thumb. I stared at the inch-plus spear. Paint had kept running. He was no longer in sight.
The screams stopped. An accident? A heart attack? I hustled around the corner of the barn. A little girl sobbed in the cleared area behind Udderly’s retail sales cabin. I recognized Jenny, a rambunctious five-year-old from a nearby farm. Her mother knelt beside her, stroking her hair.
No child had produced the operatic screams we’d heard. Maybe Jenny’s mother was the screamer. But the farm wife didn’t seem the hysterical type. On prior visits to Udderly, I’d stopped at the roadside stand where she sold her family’s produce. Right now the woman’s face looked redder than one of her Early Girl tomatoes. Was the flush brought on by some danger—a goat butting her daughter, a snake slithering near the little girl?
I walked closer. Then I saw it. A skull poked through the red clay. Soil had tinted the bone an absurd pink.
I gasped. The sizeable cranium looked human. I spotted the grave digger, or should I say re-digger. Udderly’s newest addition, a Vietnamese potbellied pig named Tammy, hunkered in a nearby puddle. Tiny cloven hoof marks led to and from the excavation. Tell-tale red mud dappled her dainty twitching snout. The pig’s hundred-pound body quivered as her porcine gaze roved the audience she’d attracted.
A man squatted beside Tammy, speaking to the swine in soothing, almost musical tones. Pigs were dang smart and sensitive. Aunt Eva told me it was easy to hurt their feelings. The fellow stroking Tammy’s grimy head must’ve been convinced she was one sensitive swine.
“It’s okay,” he repeated. “The lady wasn’t screaming at you, Tammy.”
Tammy snorted, lowered her head, and squeezed her eyes shut. The pig-whisperer gave the swine a final scratch and stood, freeing gangly limbs from his pretzel-like crouch. Mud caked the cuffs and knees of his khaki pants. Didn’t seem to bother him one iota.
The mother shepherded her little girl away from the disturbing scene, and Paint knelt to examine the skeletal remains. “Looks like piggy uncovered more than she bargained for.” He glanced at Muddy Cuffs. “Andy, you’re a vet. Animal or human?”
“Human.” Andy didn’t hesitate. “But all that’s left is bone. Had to have been buried a good while. Yet Tammy’s rooting scratched only inches below the surface. If a settler dug this grave, it was mighty shallow.”
“Probably didn’t start that way.” I pointed to a depression that began uphill near the retail cabin. “This wash has deepened a lot since my aunts built their store and the excavation diverted water away from the cabin. The runoff’s been nibbling away at the ground.”
Mom, Dad, and Aunt Eva joined the group eyeballing the skull. Eva looked peaked, almost ill. I felt a slight panic at the shift in her normally jolly appearance. I thought of my aunts as forces of nature. Unflappable. Indestructible. I’d lost one, and the other suddenly looked fragile. Finding a corpse on her property the same day she bid her twin goodbye had hit her hard.
Dad cocked his head. “Could be a Cherokee burial site. Or maybe a previous farmer buried a loved one and the grave marker got lost. Homestead burials have always been legal in South Carolina. Still are.”
For once, the idea of finding a corpse in an unexpected location didn’t prompt a gleeful chuckle from my dad, Dr. Howard Hooker. Though he was a professor of horticulture at Clemson University by day, he was an aspiring murder mystery author by night. Every time we went for a car ride, Dad made a game of searching the landscape for spots “just perfect” for disposing of bodies. So far, a dense patch of kudzu in a deep ravine topped his picks. “Kudzu grows so fast any flesh peeking through would disappear in a day.”
Good thing Dad confined his commentary to family outings. We knew the corpses in question weren’t real.
Mom whipped out her smartphone. “I’ll call Judge Glenn. It’s Sunday, but he always answers his cell. He’ll know who to call. I’m assuming the Ardon County Sheriff’s Department.”
Dad nodded. “Probably, but I bet SLED—the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division—will take over. The locals don’t have forensic specialists.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “You spend way too much time with your Sisters in Crime.”
It amused Mom that Dad’s enthusiasm for his literary genre earned him the presidency of the Upstate South Carolina Chapter of Sisters in Crime.
Mom didn’t fool with fictional crime. Too busy with the real thing. As the City of Clemson’s attorney, she kept a bevy of lawyers, judges, and city and university cops on speed dial. However, Udderly Kidding wasn’t in the same county as Clemson so it sat outside her domain.
“Judge Glenn, this is Iris Hooker. I’m at the Udderly Kidding Dairy in Ardon. An animal here unearthed a skull. We think it’s human, but not recent. Should we call the sheriff?”
Mom nodded and made occasional I-get-it noises while she clamped the cell to her ear.
“Could you ask them to keep their arrival quiet? Better yet, could they wait until after four? About fifty folks are here for my sister-in- law’s wake. I don’t want to turn her farewell into a circus.”
A minute later, Mom murmured her thanks and pocketed her cell. “The judge agrees an old skull doesn’t warrant sirens or flashing lights. He’ll ask the Ardon County Sheriff, Robbie Jones, to come by after four. Since I’m an officer of the court, his honor just requested that I keep people and animals clear of the area until the sheriff arrives.”
Andy stood. “Paint, help me bring some hay bales from the barn. We can stack them to cordon off the area.”
“Good idea.” Paint stood, and the two men strode off. No needless chitchat. They appeared to be best buds.
I tugged Dad’s sleeve, nodded toward his sister, and whispered, “I think Aunt Eva should sit down. Let’s get her to one of the front porch rockers.”
Dad walked over and draped an arm around his sister’s shoulders. “Eva, let’s sit a while so folks can find you to pay their respects. This skeleton is old news. Not our worry.”
Eva’s lips trembled. “No, Brother. I feel it in my own bones. It’s that son-of-a-bitch Jed Watson come back to haunt me.”

THREE

Jed Watson? The man Eva married in college? The man who vanished a few years later?
Dad’s eyebrows shot up. “Eva, that’s nonsense. That dirtbag ran off forty years back. You’re letting your imagination run wild.”
Eva straightened. “Some crime novelist you are. You know darn well any skeleton unearthed on my property would have something to do with that nasty worm. Nobody wished that sorry excuse for a man dead more than me.”
“Calm down. Don’t spout off and give the sheriff some harebrained notion that pile of bones is Jed,” Dad said. “No profit in fueling gossip or dredging up ancient history. Authorities may have ruled Jed dead, but I always figured that no-good varmint was still alive five states over, most likely beating the stuffing out of some other poor woman.”
Wow. I knew Eva took her maiden name back after they declared her husband dead, but I’d never heard a speck of the unsavory backstory. Dad liked to tell family tales, including ones about long- dead scoundrels. Guess this history wasn’t ancient enough.
Curiosity made me eager to ask a whole passel of none-of-my- business questions, though I felt some justification about poking my nose here. I’d known Eva my entire life. So how come this was the first I’d heard of a mystery surrounding Jed’s disappearance? Was Dad truly worried the sheriff might suspect Eva?
I was dying to play twenty questions. Too bad it wasn’t the time or place.
I smiled at my aunt. “Why don’t I get some of Paint’s brew to settle our nerves? Eva, you like that apple pie flavor, right?”
“Yes, thanks, dear.”
“Good idea, Brie,” Dad added. “I’ll take a toot of Paint’s blackberry hooch. Eva’s not the only one who could use a belt. We’ll greet folks from those rockers. Better than standing like mannequins in a receiving line. And there’s a lot less risk of falling down if we get a little tipsy.”
Aunt Eva ignored Dad’s jest. She looked haunted, lost in memory. A very bad memory.
I hurried to the small tent where Magic Moonshine dispensed free libations. A buxom young lass smiled as she poured shine into miniature Mason jars lined up behind four flavor signs: Apple Pie, Blackberry, Peach, and White Lightnin’.
“What can I do you for, honey?” the busty server purred. I’m still an Iowa girl at heart, but, like my transplanted aunts and parents, I’ve learned not to take offense when strangers of both sexes and all ages call me honey, darlin’, and sweetie. My high school social studies teacher urged us to appreciate foreign customs and cultures. I may not be in Rome, but I’m definitely in Ardon County.
I smiled at Miss Sugarmouth. The top four buttons of her blouse were undone. The way her bosoms oozed over the top, I seriously doubted those buttons had ever met their respective buttonholes. No mystery why Paint hired her. Couldn’t blame him or her. Today’s male mourners would enjoy a dash of cleavage with their shine, and she’d rake in lots more tips.
“Sweetie, do you have a tray I can use to take drinks to the folks on the porch?”
The devil still made me add the “sweetie” when I addressed Miss Sugarmouth. She didn’t bat an eyelash. Probably too weighed down with mascara.
“Sure thing, honey.” I winced when the tray slid over the wood sliver firmly embedded in my palm. Suck it up. No time for minor surgery.
As I walked toward Eva’s cabin, crunching noises advertised some late arrivals ambling down the gravel road. On the porch, Dad and Eva had settled into a rhythm, shaking hands with friends and neighbors and accepting sympathy pats. Hard to hug someone in a rocker.
I handed miniature glass jars to Eva and Dad before offering drinks to the folks who’d already run the gauntlet of the sit-down receiving line. Then I tiptoed behind Dad’s rocker.
“I’ll see if Mom wants anything and check back later to see how you and Eva are doing.”
“Thanks, honey.” He kissed my cheek. I returned to Paint’s moonshine stand and picked up a second drink tray, gingerly hoisting it to avoid bumping my skewered palm. Balancing the drinks, I picked my way across the rutted ground to what I worried might be a crime scene.
Mom perched between Paint and Andy atop the double row of hay bales stacked to keep the grisly discovery out of sight. The five-foot-two height on Mom’s driver’s license was a stretch. At five-four, I had her by at least three, maybe four, inches. My mother’s build was tiny as well as short—a flat-chested size two. I couldn’t recall ever being able to squeeze into her doll-size clothes. My build came courtesy of the females on Dad’s side of the family. Compact but curvy. No possibility of going braless in polite society.
Mom’s delicate appearance often confounded the troublemakers she prosecuted for the city. Too often the accused took one look at Iris Hooker and figured they’d hire some hulking male lawyer to walk all over the little lady in court.
Big mistake. The bullies often reaped unexpected rewards—a costly mélange of jail time, fines, and community service.
Mom spotted my tray-wobbling approach. “Are these Paint’s concoctions?”
I nodded. “Well, Daughter, sip nice and slow. Someday I may file charges against Magic Moonshine. Paint’s shine is often an accomplice when Clemson tailgaters pull stunts that land them in front of a judge.”
Paint lifted his glass in a salute. “Can I help it if all our flavors go down easy?”
Mom turned back to me. “Have you met these, ahem, gentlemen?”
I suddenly felt shy as my gaze flicked between the two males. “I met Paint earlier. This is my first chance to say hi to Andy. I’m Brie Hooker. You must be the veterinarian Aunt Eva’s always talking about.”
Andy rose to his feet. “Andy Green. Pleased to meet you, ma’am. Your aunts were my very first customers when I opened my practice.”
He waved a hand at Tammy, the now demure pig, wallowing a goodly distance away. “I’m really sorry Tammy picked today to root up these bones. I feel partly to blame. Talked your aunts into adopting Miss Piggy. It aggravates me how folks can’t resist buying potbellied pigs as pets when they’re adorable babies, but have no qualms about abandoning them once they start to grow.”
Andy’s outstretched hand awaited my handshake. I held up my palm to display my injury. “Gotta take a rain check on a handshake. Unfortunately, I already shook hands with the barn.”
Andy gently turned up my palm. “I’ll fix you right up, if you don’t mind a vet doing surgery. Give me a minute to wash up and meet me at my truck. Can’t miss it. A double-cab GMC that kinda looks like aliens crash landed an aluminum spaceship in the truck bed. I’m parked by the milking barn.”
As Andy loped off toward the retail shop’s comfort station, Paint called after him. “Sneaky way to hold hands with a pretty lady.”
Andy glanced over his shoulder and grinned. “You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first.”
Paint chuckled and focused his hundred-watt grin on me. “Bet my white lightning could disinfect that sliver. Sure you don’t want me to do the honors?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Somehow I doubt honor has anything to do with it.”
The moonshiner faked an injured look. Mom rolled her eyes. “Heaven help me—and you, Brie. Not sure you’re safe with the wildlife that frequents this farm. Forget those coyotes that worry Eva, I’m talking wolves.” She looked toward the porch. “How’s Eva holding up?”
“Better.” I wanted to grill Mom about Jed Watson, but I needed to do so in private. “Guess I should steel myself for surgery.” I took a Mason jar from the tray I’d set on a hay bale. “Down the hatch.” My healthy swallow blazed a burning trail from throat to belly. Before I could stop myself, I sputtered.
“Shut your mouth,” Paint said. Yowzer. My eyes watered, and my throat spasmed. I coughed. “What?”
“Shut your mouth. Oxygen fuels the burn. You need to take a swallow then close your mouth. None of this sipping stuff.”
“Now you tell me.” I choked. Mom laughed. “That’s the best strategy I’ve heard yet to shut Brie up.”
I wiped at the tears running down my cheeks. “Your moonshine packs more punch than my five-alarm Thai stir fry.”
Paint’s eyebrows rose. “My shine is smooth, once you get used to it. You want a little fire in your gut. Keeps life interesting.”
A little too interesting. I’d been at Udderly Kidding Dairy just over a week, and I already felt like a spinning top with a dangerous wobble.
***
Excerpt from Bones To Pick by Linda Lovely.  Copyright © 2017 by Linda Lovely. Reproduced with permission from Linda Lovely. All rights reserved.



ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Over the past five years, hundreds of mystery/thriller writers have met Linda Lovely at check-in for the annual Writers’ Police Academy, which she helps organize. Lovely finds writing pure fiction isn’t a huge stretch given the years she’s spent penning PR and ad copy. She writes a blend of mystery and humor, chuckling as she plots to “disappear” the types of characters who most annoy her. Quite satisfying plus there’s no need to pester relatives for bail. Her newest series offers good-natured salutes to both her vegan family doctor and her cheese-addicted kin. She served as president of her local Sisters in Crime chapter for five years and belongs to International Thriller Writers and Romance Writers of America.




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